Things I miss about England #1 and Things I love about Brazil #1: pals, friends, amigos. We’ll miss the ones we’re leaving behind, but we can’t wait to see the ones we’ve been apart from.

Things I love about Brazil #76, 78, 79: Churrasco, Picanha and Meat. I will really miss Brazilian barbecues (churrascos). The quality of the meat is so good and they have a cut, picanha, which doesn't even exist in European and Northern European butchers! It's like the primest of the prime steak and it's fantastic.

As a continuation of the post TILAB #19, I should add Things I love about Brazil #91, 92, 96: Condominums, Salao de Festa and Sweets. Brazilians love parties and they love condomoniums full of apartments and they've combined their loves into the perfect set up: the salão de festa - a room on the lower floors all set up for parties with kitchen, (sometimes) stage, games rooms and swimming pool access. It`s a cheap and efficient away to hold a party. It serves the purpose of a pub function room.

As it happens though, we had our most recent party at a mall. One of our friends noticed a picture we took of all the sweets available for the kids and noted how different this is from the UK where carrot sticks and tomatoes are the order of the day for the health-conscious Mum. Like Rachel said in response: "Your comment is so funny for so many reasons". Parties are about tanking up on sweets and no dental hygiene or child health expert is going to tell Brazilians otherwise.

Things I miss about England #2: My family. Of course, I miss my family a lot. I was so pleased Mum and Dad and cousin Dad made it out to Brazil. Everyone else was very generous, sending things by post for the kids and creature comforts we missed. We hardly ever get post though, and when we do it's sometimes several weeks late and has been re-routed through Thailand (as was the case with a recent packet of tea). Things I miss about England #4: The post. I'm looking forward to having the post back in England which leads to Things I miss about England #18: Cards in the post. Brazilians don't really do cards, and that's a shame. If the post works, it also means I can order more stuff online (Things I miss about England #53: buying things online). It's just too risky and inefficient to do this in Brazil. The country has one of the highest rates of internet fraud so people are very wary of giving out their details online. Brazil's computer networks, and our school's computers, are unfortunatley riddled with viruses which are proving stubborn to get off. Things I miss about England #17: Not so many computer viruses.

Things I miss about England #39: Bounty Chocolate Bars.
Things I miss about England #24: Grey hair. Thanks to my Mum for noticing this - dying your hair is very common, especially if you're a woman of mature years looking to hide the aging process. Mum, who has never dyed her hair, felt a bit conspicious with her "unsightly" grey.
Things I miss about England #37: Log fires.
Things I miss about England #19: Duvets. It's just too hot and many people don't have them.
Things I miss about England #40: Spices and Herbs. There's just not a great option of fresh spices and herbs. Coriander, Oregano, mixed herbs - that's about it.
Things I miss about England #42: Rafi's Spice Box. How miss thee oh curry packs (see TIMAE#9). Even when they get sent, the post doesn't always deliver.
Things I miss about England #26: Trees. Oh, they have trees, but they always come second to pavement and sand. Fortunatley, we have one good park in Natal with great trees.
Things I miss about England #54: High-brow Political Satire. Slapstick gets the most laughs in Brazil. Mr Blobby would be a sensation here.
Things I miss about England #66: Carpets.
Things I love about Brazil #17: Guga the Turtle. Our pet turtle has been handed onto a new owner, Teacher Dyego. We will miss Guga. Gloria will have nothing to throw a sponge at, Nelson will have no creature with which to terrorise, Rachel will have no critter to ignore and I will have no small animal with which to forget to feed.
Things I love about Brazil #18: The Pernambuco Flag. Down there on the right hand side. Stunning.
Things I love about Brazil #22: Tiled floors.

Things I love about Brazil #32: Great Wall Art. That last photo is very bad, I took it out of the back window of the car as I couldn`t really stop. But, the reason I took the photo is to remind me of the group of artists I saw painting this mural. Presumably sent over by the council (who have, it has to be said, a good eye for presentation) several blank or grubby walls have been turned into works of art. You can just about make out some of the themes in the piece above - pollution, war, colour.

Things I miss about England #43: Museums. There are museums in Natal, but they're not very good. One famous one is the blue angel gallery (pictured above) which is around the corner from my house. I`ve never been but I haven't been able to find the door behind the monstrosity in the front yard. A great museum can be found at Parque de Cidade (Things I love about Brazil #38: Parque da cidade). It's a state of the art museum at the top of an impressive piece of architecture which looks like an eye on a pole (pictured above). We've been several times. Only problem is - when the new town council were elected they didn't spare funds to keep the museum open. A crying shame! In any case, I miss museums. There are hardly any up in the north-east of Brazil.

Things I love about Brazil #37: Orange. Orange (see above) is an amazing establishment. It's a diversified video store. It includes a kids play area, a fast food restaurant, a bar and a takeaway service. It's definitely the closest thing we have to "a local" (see TIMAE#10). We're now friends with the staff and they know our kids by name. What I really like about Orange, though, is their brand is a great example of how Brazilians encorporate English and then surround it with Portuguese. The Orange menu is full of such delights as "Orange dogs", "Orange Eggs", "Orange pizza" and even "Orange juice". At least its better than their local rivals Pittsburgh who offer "Pitts Chicken". Hmmm, yummy. Or, several hundred yards away their other rivals "Playburger" (see above). Eeewwwww. It's amazing to me that in the age of multinational brands, there are a few homegrown Brazilian brands which are fiercely resistant and continue to draw the custom of the local population.

Things I miss about England #83: People are not SO obsessed with Disney. We’re about to leave for 2 weeks in the States. In order to get direct flights from Recife to Miami (normally you have to add about half a day onto your trip going via Sao Paulo) we’re flying with an agency called Arituba who fix package tours for teenagers to go to Disney. Worryingly, some of my students will be on the flight. Even more worryingly, is the news that everyone will be so excited that the whole flight is set to basically be a din of sweaty, spotty, Brazilian adolescents freaking out at meeting Mickey.
　
Sometimes, I think Brazilians are the ones single-handedly propping up the entire Disney empire. They may not buy a lot of original DVDs (pirate copies are more readily available) but they do arrive in shed loads to Orlando’s Magic Kingdom.
　
It’s a rite of passage to go to Disney. If you can afford it, you’ll do it. And when you’re there you buy, buy, buy and probably need another airplane to ship the lifesize models of Pluto, Snow White and Bambi back down the continent. I was in a waiting room the other day and so picked up one of those celebrity mags. The top story was that a TV presenter (for her 60th birthday!) had chosen to go to Disney with 50 of her close friends and families. I was treated to glossy pictures of plastic-surgeried Brazilian b-listers riding carousels and having their pictures taken with Nemo.
　
Really, the final straw for me was when I had to go to a launch event put on by Arituba in order to retrieve some "essential" (read: promotional) info for our journey. Arituba had rented a conference centre had everyone was crammed into a huge room decked from head to foot in Disney gumpf. The man was giving safety instructions to the masses, but the promise of food and a post-talk party could be seen everywhere with stuffed toys, games, competitions and heavily-made-up excited teenagers brimming with electric excitement. I asked the lady if I HAD to stay and when she said I didn’t I took my promotional flyers and scarpered. What I realised then was that Arituba are selling a dream – a dream that starts and finishes at your door and is 100% Disney all the way.
　
Although we’re buying into this dream, we’re not wholesale buying into it. After much argy-bargy with Arituba we’re only going to be in the parks for 4 days ("What? You can’t possibly see everything in four days!". "Really? That’s good! Maybe we don’t want to be trapped inside a fictional dreamland inhabited by Brazilian pre-adults!"), preferring to use the rest of our time in Florida to visit both my and Rachel’s family in St.Petersburg. I don’t want to sound too high-faluting when I say this – and we will enjoy Disney, especially the Pixar Cars attractions (imagining an unleashed Nelsinho at this point) – but isn’t visiting another country about spending time with the people from there, eating their food, learning about their lives and experiences? That’s the way Rachel and I have always and will always do it.
　
Flying to the Disney Parks in Orlando is really not about flying to America – it’s about flying to another planet, another universe, full of animated creatures. And, as far as I can see, that’s exactly what all Brazilians, their tour operators and Disney want.

Things I love about Brazil #86: Turma de Monica. Brazilians have their own cartoon characters. For Christians, it's Smilinguido the ant. For everyone else it's Monica's crew aka. Turma de Monica. We watched a cartoon of theirs this morning - a bit less PC and gory than standard North American kids TV, loved it! They even have their own theme park in South Brazil although it's not a patch on Disney.

Things I miss about England #6: What you hear is what you get. I`ve got to be careful here, because what I`m about to say could be taken the wrong way by Brazilians. So, a disclaimer: I`m not saying Brazilians are liars, I`m just saying that, despite their best intentions, what is said and what happens often seem to have almost no relation to each other. And this is perfectly normal and accepted.

One reason for this, as I`ve already mentioned recently, is that Brazilians tend to say what they want the other person to appear especially when it comes to accepting invitations. But, more than this, and I have dozens of stories about this, plans are made in all sincerity but with some unspoken small print that this may not actually happen the way we said it would. For a Brit this can be exasperating.

A small recent example: we enjoyed a lovely evening with our church group on Sunday. We made plans to go out for acai (see below) afterwards. The rain was pouring down. In the car I asked my good friend and fellow-acai fan Paulo where we would go to eat. He told me the place, which I knew and so I asked my question:"But, surely there won`t be space for everyone inside the small shop because nobody will be outside in the rain?". He barely batted an eyelid. "Of course there`ll be space!". And, when we arrived there wasn`t space...

...but one enterprising waitor put two tables together, wiped them clean and said we could squeeze under the awning. As soon as we sat down the other waitors told us we couldn`t sit there as it obstructed their passage out of the shop (bearing in mind nobody was out of the shop as it was raining). My wonderful wife took the opportunity to teach them a lesson or two about customer service but when they failed to budge we walked off to find the next one. Strange, I thought, but hadn`t that first waitor said we could sit there?

Later, back at our friend`s apartment, we were told that there was soup that Gloria could eat. But after a few minutes word came to us that there was no soup, it had been finished. So we quickly took a starving Gloria home to give her food there. Most of these stories weren`t the fault of any person or individual but rather the roll of circumstance in Brazil which somehow invariably leads us to unusual situations far removed from what we had imagined earlier. Sometimes its annoying, but I guess the main thing is to view it as an adventure.

Things I love about Brazil #9: Sao Joao. Many foreigners know Brazil for its festivals of carnaval. However, for many Brazilians, it's the June harvest festivals that people reall look forward to. Carnaval has come to symbolise extravagance, sexuality and at times a reckless disregard for order. Sao Joao is about folklore, traditional food and costume and dancing. Our kids are going to various Sao Joao parties over the next week and so are we. I need to get my costume sorted so I can dance the quadrilia (vaguely like a barn dance) with my rather excited wife.

Things I miss about England #85: Horlicks.

Things I love about Brazil #13: Acai. I mentioned and described acai back on this post. I`ve grown to love it. It may look like an oil slick, but it`s heaven in a bowl.

Things I miss about England #57: English banter.

Things I miss about England #58: Pianos.

Things I love about Brazil #59: The Brazilian national team (for beating Paraguay when I was there to see it).

Things I love about Brazil #100: Umbrella hats (which I'd never seen before last nights football match but which Rachel tells me have actually been around for ages and come from the States...)

Cousin Daniel arrives. Just got a call from Rach at the airport. Dan is here! Woohoo!

Things I miss about England #42: CDs on magazines. if you want new music in Natal, you download it illegally or you go the guy with the wagon on the beach and you ask him to download it illegally. Cousin Dan could well be bringing me some music mags from the UK with CDs on the front - for many years, this was my way to hear new, legal, good music. Maybe, I'm just a traditionalist, but...

Amusing uses of English. Just been marking more tests. From some tests about parts of the body and ailments... Students had to fill in gaps with the correct words and sometimes the first letter was given as a clue. Expected answers were, of course, blowing/fainted/fainted/throat.

When you have a cold you spend a long time chewing your nose.

I was on the train and lost consciousness. I failed.

I was on the train and lost consciousness. I falled over [sic].

I have a sore toe - it hurts when I laugh.

Things I miss about England #2: family. It goes without saying, really... we're making our plans to move back to the UK and being close to Mum and Dad, to my cousins and Uncles and Aunts is a fantastic boon to our inklings to leave Brazil. In terms of having my family to visit us here, we've been blessed to have Mum and Dad and, all being well, cousin Dan should be joining us making him the first cousin to make it to Brazil to see us.

Things I love about Brazil #2: family. Rachel's family are wonderful and I've enjoyed getting to know them more and more over our two and a half years here. Rach's folks are a constant source of generosity and encouragement as well as numerous cousins, Uncles and Aunts too numerous to mention individually.

However, two stories that occurred across the Carnaval period really brought a smile to my face and made me grateful for such a joyful and well-meaning bunch of people I get to call my in-laws.

The first was down at Muro Alto (High Wall) where Rach's folks have recently procured a beach house. Lots of family were knocking around including Alvaro (Rach's Uncle) who taught us how to fly a kite, Aurora and family (who were based at their beach house walking distance away) as well as Laulau, Rach's granny. At one point, Rachel and Nelson and the girls found a large snail on the lawn. For quite some time they observed the chap sliming his way over some grass. When Laulau turned up she scolded everyone for playing with the "poisonous" creature. Before anyone could stop her or explain that nobody was about to touch the thing, Laulau had booted the offending critter into the nearest bush. Of course, there was no coaxing him out of his shell after that and three generations of Laulau's progeny (daughter, 2xgranddaughters and 1xgreat grandson) gave her a proper ticking off for spoiling their fun. I chuckled from a safe distance away!

And then, just 10 days ago we were down in Joao Pessoa for Rach's cousins 7th birthday. Melissa and her little brother Johnny (Johnny Pequeno as Nelson calls him) are some of our favourite extended family to visit as our kids love being around them. Anyway, just as the party was in full swing, and Nelson seemed to be a bit under the weather for some reason, who should roll up but Rach's Dad's brother Andy with his family in tow. Andy sat next to Nelson and pulled out a plastic bag claiming there was a present in it for Nelson. (Odd, I thought, as it isn't technically HIS birthday). But, there was. And the first item was a rattle. Like one of those you see kids using in football matches from the 1960s. One twizzle of that thing and the whole party was brought to a grinding hault, all heads turned to our corner by the deafening sound. Oblivious to this, Andy pulled out his second gift for Nelson - a bird whistle. Then 5 minutes later, a toy horn, and then one or two other noise-inducing items including something that made a piercing beep. Why, I thought to myself, would anyone possibly want to give a nearly-3 year old such ear-splittingly annoying toys? The answer, of course: but that's what kids want! Nelson, of course, was happily entertained creating a sizeable din. I'm constantly amazed by Rach and her family in how they prioritise the enjoyment of the kids above their own comfort (Tio Andy's presents being a case in point). This is, of course, a Brazilian trait but it's a good one. Victorian Britain may have given us all from the UK a sense that "kids should be seen and not heard" but Brazilians seem to hold the view that "kids should be both seen and heard".

However, my Englishness got the better of me as we got in the car for the 3 hour journey home. It was getting dark, it was raining and I didn't want any distractions as I drove. Andy's bag of tricks was stowed away deep in the back of the boot.

OK, OK, we get the idea. I'm carrying my new birthday camera around everywhere which means its handy for any slightly odd or obscure thing I see. Actually, Rach and I often chuckle at the frequent occurrence of random things we come across just from driving around - a donkey standing in the middle of the road with nobody around, a man taking 15 dogs for a walk, a man juggling fire for money at the traffic lights, a huge hole in the road when there wasn't one there yesterday, a strike or protest of something or other... Anyway, we saw this picture above at a petrol station. They seem pretty adamant about not accepting any sort of payment by cards, don`t they? I wonder if they accept cash? If so, I bet they don't have any change.

Legião Urbana (Urban Legion). Back in Recife, Rach managed to dig out two CDs for the Brazilian band Legião Urbana for me. I'd first heard their music when it was playing on the loudspeaker at the Maracajau water park. Rach rolled her eyes when I said I liked it. This was the band all of her friends were into at school but she obstinately refused to listen to. They're kind of the Brazilian Smiths, and I think some of their songs exhibit a heavy REM influence (no bad thing). In many ways the band were known for being anti-religious or anti-church, but my current favourite is the ballad "Monte Castelo" from their album Os Quatro Estaçoes (The Four Seasons). It's a well-known song of theirs from circa 1989 based on the famous words of 1 Corinthians 13 from the Bible. You can watch a performance of it here.

James Blunt. Speaking of music, one of the worst imports of music here from the UK has to be James Blunt's tepid and squeeky vocal performances as sung over the top of predict-a-chord dirgey songs. Unfortunately for us, (but darned lucky for him and his publicity machine) a James Blunt song is being used as the theme to a Brazlian Globo TV soap opera called Duas Caras (Two faces). Now, James Blunt can count among his fans every middle-aged housewife in Brazil as well as every middle-aged housewife in the UK. Ana, the lady who helps in our house, listens to a radio station that plays only Brazilian popular music and James Blunt. Caramba! The song is all over YouTube, but someone has helpfully put Portuguese subtitles over this video of Mr.Blunt perfoming the number in question.

(Small fact: did you know that the Globo's soap operas are so famous and widely watched and Globo is itself such a huge a corporation that they can insist on late kick-offs for any domestic or international Brazilian football fixture so the match doesn't cut into soap opera time. This annoyingly means all major evening games, including Wednesday's Libertadores Final, start at the ridiculous time of 9.50pm!!! If the game goes to penatlies, as it did on Wednesday, it finishes after midnight. I'm always asleep by the second half).

Congrats to cousin Simon and wife Katie on the arrival of Lucie Iona Payne.

Things I miss about England #71: General administrative competence. OK, so it's debatable if this is even such a good thing in England given the numerous horror stories we have in trying to secure VISAs and passports or sign up for a new phone deal or phone the DVLA, but Brazil, on average has to be a lot worse. Don't get me wrong - it's not all bad. My ID arrived in one piece (after 18 months) and we recently got Gloria her Brazilian ID relatively painlessly. But, trying to get Gloria registered as a British citizen is not proving to be easy given there is a postal strike on at the moment. Furthermore, moving house and trying to switch our cable and internet providers and trying to get a spare key from the estate agents is proving to be a jumbled mix of red tape, conflicting stories and loopy administrating for poor Rachel who is burdened with sorting it out.

Things I love about Brazil #87: interesting city names. Our recent travels to Joao Pessoa and Recife and my plan to travel to Fortaleza this month have reminded me that Brazil has some excellent names for cities. Those three I mentioned translate literally as John Person, Reef and Fortress. Of course, we live in Christmas (Natal) which is close to the beach towns of Kite (Pipa) and Chicken Port (Porto da Galinhas) and down south there is Saviour (Salvador), January River (Rio do Janeiro), Saint Paul (Sao Paulo) and Happy Port (Porto Alegre). These names aren't like the ones we have in England are they? There ain't no Skegness, Cricklewood, Blackpool or Ponders End round here...

Oops, I've just noticed I have two entries for "fresh milk" in my things I miss about England list. Why didn't anyone tell me? I must really miss fresh milk to place it at both number 16 and number 48. In it's place (at number 48) I think I'll put celery, another food related item that I really miss...

This post has grown and grown to become another monster entry. Sorry folks.

Ninho and Gloria. Oddly, we have decided to name our children after Brazilian milk brands. For a while Nelsinho couldn't say his name properly, skipping the middle syllable, and so referring to himself as simply Ninho. Ninho, randomly, also means "nest" in Portuguese. Anyway, the powdered milk brand we use for Nelson is called Ninho and the regular milk we use for us is called Gloria. I can assure you this was all purely coincidental although if we were to have another kid in Brazil we've got the name UHT Parmalat semi-desnatado in mind, and for back in the UK we think Tesco 2L green top would do for either a boy or a girl.

Special thanks to Danny and Caz for sending us this pic this week. They took it here in Brazil when they visited in January.

Things I miss about England #27: toasters and electric kettles. For making toast and tea, obviously. I forgot to mention it in my last post about breakfast.

Things I love about Brazil #14: black beans, brown beans and green beans. Beans in all their colours and varieties are the staple and national food of Brazil. Many a Brazilian football player has bemoaned the lack of good beans in Europe. It is said to be the main reason Romario returned to Brazil early in his career. I have taken to beans in a big way (especially the green variety), although a week of just beans does extraordinary things to, let's say, one's "pipes". After Nelson was ill a few weeks ago his appetite returned with vociferous force and he got very grumpy one lunch time when we hadn't got round to fixing him his "almoço". So, we took him to the local Brazilian eatery round the corner and he troughed a man-sized portion of beans, rice and farofa (kind of floury stuff people put on beans), all washed down with some coconut water. How ever are we going to get him his favourite meal when we move to the UK?

Family. Rachel's Dad has been here helping us out with the 2 kids and Rach's Mum arrives tonight. Excitingly, Amy is coming back from the UK for 2 weeks so we'll go pick her up from the airport on Sunday night. Having said all that, Gloria is little trouble and not a cause for much concern. She has slept through from 11pm to 5am already much to Rachel's delight. I, on the other hand, have a son whose sleeping habits are more like mine than his mother's - what are mornings for if not to play? If Nelson wakes up after 4am it is difficult to convince the boy that going back to sleep is a better idea than drawing cars. The fun started at 4.45am today and I'm knackered. Rachel and Gloria were both still in the land of nod at 7am. Why I outta...

Things I miss about England #34: People know how to park (mostly). I've been wanting to post a picture of some of the abysmal Brazilian parking I've come across but I never really have my camera handy when I'm pulling up at a supermarket. Fortunately, today, I did. See above and take note of the direction of the painted car parking spaces and then laugh at the way the car is parked perpendicular to the spaces in question. I think I've quoted Prince Philip's infamous and unpolitically correct quip elsewhere on this blog: "That box looks like its been wired by an Indian" but I frequently find myself saying, "That car looks like its been parked by a Brazilian!". Altogether now, to the tune of "walk like an Egyptian" lets all "park like a Brazilian!". But then again, who said the English could park a car.

Things I miss about England #45: Breakfast. I just can't seem to find a quick, tasty and filling way to have breakfast here in Natal. When I ask my students in class about what they ate for breakfast most return blank stares and say coffee, water, milk or maybe bread and cheese. Breakfast just isn't done here like it is back home.

So, things I miss about England #s 46, 47, 48, 49, 50 and 52 are: fresh mushrooms (not available in Natal - surely, a crime!), baked beans, fresh milk (for tea and cereal), good quality cereal (the best cereal here is extortionately priced, doesn't even taste too good, especially with non-fresh milk), fresh bread (Brazilian bread is OK, but it still doesn't beat a loaf of Tesco no frills white) and lastly sausages (Brazilian sausages are in the Vauxhall Conference compared to English Premier League sausages). Like Mev used to say when he was here, the first thing I'm doing when I get home is having a real fry-up with real bread and a cup of freshly brewed tea...

Things I love about Brazil #46: Breakfast. OK, OK, somethings about Brazilian breakfasts are OK. In fact, I contradict myself if I say I dislike Brazilian breakfasts as I positively sang their praises back in November 2006. The main problem for me is that they it's usually accompanied by an inordinate amount of faff in order to get things ready and also fresh fruit, although nice, often goes off quickly. However, if one has the time one can make juice from frozen pulps (Things I love about Brazil #85: frozen fruit pulps) then you're onto a scrumptious start to the day, especially if the fruit in question is Açerola (Things I love about Brazil #30: Açerola) which, according to old Brazilian fishwives packs more vitamin C into one small cherry-sized portion than is present in a bag of oranges.

On the subject of food and drink but not breakfast, where would be without cachaça, the alcoholic spirit made from sugar cane, (Things I love about Brazil #67: Cachaça) to make caipirinha (Things I love about Brazil #29: Caipirinha), the national cocktail? A bottle of Pitú brand cachaça only costs R4 - about 1 UK quid. This filled me with glee when I discovered that such a famous drink could be assembled so cheaply (just add chopped limes and sugar for caipirinha) but as my father-in-law points out when spirits with 40% alcohol content are sold for less than milk, something is wrong and someone, somewhere is going to get hurt. Fair enough. As for caipirinha itself, I'm slowly discovering that this drink is somewhat viewed here the same way Guiness may be viewed in Ireland. Yes, we're famous for it but no we don't drink it ourselves - it's for the tourists.

Things I love about Brazil #88: Bolo de rolo. Quality traditional Brazilian treat of rolled pastry filled with guava jam. Good for breakfast, thank goodness.

Things I love about Brazil #98: Baton chocolate. So, it's not Cadbury's, but it will do.

A week is a long time in blogging. It's been a busy few days which is why I haven't updated my blog since last Tuesday - quite a long time for me. What have I been doing? Mostly, not sleeping too much (Nelson is waking up each night in a bit of a state, not sure why) and teaching private English lessons at no notice to a Jewish man (a rare thing in Brazil) who is a store manager (not such a rare thing) and watching countless...

Great Britain projects. Each year students of Cultura are encouraged to do a project. This year's theme is Great Britain. I'm finding it fascinating watching Brazilians give their opinions on my homeland. Part of the interest lies in their choice of what to do their project on - the traditional, "stereotypical" British things are well represented - the walls of the language school are plastered with posters of David Beckham, football, the Beatles, the Queen (both the monarch and the Rock band), tea drinking, London tourist attractions and fish'n'chips.

Other titles have included Mr.Bean, Sherlock Holmes, The X Factor and Harry Potter. The one project that so far actually taught me a lot about something I knew nothing about was an Advanced group's presentation of famous British fashion designers: Vivian Westwood, John Galiano and Stella McCartney. (You will notice that for many people here Great Britain = England. Despite encouraging my students to try and "think out the box" and maybe do something about Scotland they all stuck to what they knew. One project was entitled "Ireland" and talked about the Republic - an interesting political mishap out here in Brazil which would infuriate a significant percentage of the Irish population).

British pop music has featured highly in many presentations and it's a reminder to me how much British rock bands and singers have influenced the landscape of world music. The Rolling Stones, Amy Winehouse, McFly, Lily Allen, Oasis and Led Zep have all featured in students' projects. On one level I'm proud of British music - I enjoy it and a lot of it is good - but the students seem to emphasise the reputation for drug taking that many of these personalities have and that's a shame.

I especially enjoyed listening to an excellent presentation from Moyses and Leonardo (students of mine from last semester) who gave an adlib, blow by blow account of the history of Oasis beginning with how Kurt Cobain's death spelt the end of grunge and Oasis' first album the introduction of Britpop. They were followed by Raul and Daniel talking about the history of British music festivals - Reading/Leeds, V festival and Glastonbury. I had to hold my tongue from interjecting throughout with "I was there!" and "I went to that, it was ace!".

Afterwards, I spoke to the students and Leonardo asked me: "have you ever seen Oasis, teacher?". My reply, "Yes, I have - on the Be Here Now tour" led to raised eyebrows from the young chaps. I felt like the old timer at the home asked to retell his war stories or an astronaut recounting how he stepped on the moon. I maybe overdid it a bit, spouting forth with tales of being a teenager in mid-90s London but they all seemed generally awestruck. Leonardo's closing words to me were: "I hope to go to a concert one day". What was telling about his response was that it wasn't just that he wanted to go to an Oasis concert, he wanted to go to ONE concert... Natal is 3000 kms from Rio, the place anyone big would play if they toured South America. Leo's ambition to make it to ONE gig of a large international act was still a pretty big dream for a Natalense. If you're reading this in London you need to remember to thank the Lord in your prayers that you live in the centre of such a rich cultural world. Many people wish they could be there.

Things I miss about England #56: Going to Rock gigs. In view of the above, R.E.M. have announced their tour support and will be playing some European dates with the Editors (who are OK) and the Disciplines (who are ace). Akkk, I wish I could see them but I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere!

Things I love about Brazil #95: Radio Rede Hallelujah. It's helping me to learn Portuguese even if it's a bit cheesey. Rede Hallelujah is a Christian radio station and I have it on in the car at the moment.

(ps. I've lost count of where I'm up to on the things I miss / things I love list but it will be resolved this week).

Things I miss about England #77: Teletext. It's faster than logging onto the internet for football results and more reliable than the Cable TV guide for finding out what's on.

Things I love about Brazil #82: Capeoira trousers. So nice to relax in!

More Haiku. A few more haiku poems from my students. The first one sounds like an advert from the tourist board, the second just sounds kinda painful...

Enjoy the heat
Sunbathe and sing
Brazil vacation!

Cold beer by the beach
Hot sunny day through my brain
Quiet and clear sea breeze

Things I miss about England #10: the pub. The pub is such an important institution in England - a warm and generally safe communal gathering area, now free of smoke. And they serve PINTS of beer at pubs, something Brazilians don't do on account of the hot weather allegedly warming the beer before you've drunk it.

Things I love about Brazil #89: Sitting outside on the street on lawn chairs. This particular social trait is more common in Natal than many other Brazilian cities. But, in the cool of the evening, you can stroll around the neighbourhood to find everyone - from grandparents to sleeping babes - propped up on lawn chairs, the awake ones having a natter. It may not be the pub, but I reckon it's the Natalese equivelent. Walking past people sitting on chairs outside houses is how you make yourself known (I imagine if I wanted to join the Natal mafia this would be how I would make a name for myself). One old lady who can always be found passing her rosary beads through her aged fingers occasionally takes it upon herself to barrage with me confusing stories in Portuguese. I take that as a sign of acceptance. Sitting on chairs in the evening is also a sure way to get the latest gossip and nobody is better positioned to do this than the bug-eyed lady with the poodle. I was passing a group of Brazilians huddled in their white plastic seats at the bottom of our road just the other night. I greeted them warmly and walked on. A few yards past I heard one old lady ask, "Quem é?" (Who's he?). And back came the response from the bug-eyed, poodle-owner "É o pãe do galeginho..." (He's the Dad of the little blondie). I chuckled as I walked up our hill. I may not be a somebody in Natal, but I am Nelson's Dad and that's good enough for me.

Three surreal things that happened to me at the supermarket. I did the weekly shop this morning. On my way in, I noticed that we had live acoustic music piped around the shop (surreal thing number 1). It wasn't the first time, but with his tambourine and harmonica to boot Mr. Natal (as likes to be known) was crooning away for the benefit of the happy shoppers. The 8am to 10am slot on a Thursday morning at Nordestão supermarket may not be headlining Glastonbury, but it's a start I suppose.

In the banana aisle I bumped into one of my students, a 20-something Master student called Alexandro. He was a sight - he had a large shopping list in one hand and an open bottle of beer, nearly finished in the other, whilst nudging an overflowing trolley with his elbow (surreal thing number 2). He explained he was in there doing the groceries for his Mum. I felt like asking him if the trauma of it all required the early morning alcohol intake. It seems to be more common in Brazil than in England (where it's just not proper!) to start consuming your purchases before the checkout and then passing the empty packets or bottles through the till. Sometimes I see people pick off a yoghurt from the cooler section and quoff it down on the spot. Even so, I'd never seen someone drinking shop beer at around 9.30am.

Out in the car park and as I was putting my bags in the car, I was accosted by a little lady who kept blowing me kisses (no joke, surreal thing number 3). She had a prepared speech and it seemed to suggest she wanted to sell me a small turtle for my son (she had seen the car seat). I was about to explain that we already had a turtle when she reached into her bag and offered to show me one. I raised my eyebrows, understandably - you mean, you have an aquarium in your handbag? I've seen many-a-thing stored in a lady's handbag but never a bunch of amphibians in a paddling pool. Well, it turns out I had missed the part of her spiel where she said "stuffed-toy" and "used to prop the door open". The item in question was a turtle-shaped, door-stopper. I politely declined at which point she blew me another kiss and told me to "stay with Jesus". I think she had spotted the fish logo on the back of our car and decided that she needed to use the religious angle to promote her product. Very odd, but perhaps it's something to tell the people on the lawn chairs.

Chad part 2. Just spoke to Mum this morning on Skype. She is in Southampton with my Uncle and Aunt. Things have quietened down steadily through the week. Today, Dad was able to call her from their own house which, surprisngly and wonderfully, hadn't been looted. Still lots of unanswered questions, missing people and chaos. And it is possible the rebels may try to re-enter the city at some point. But, all in all, the news coming out of Chad has been better, thank God. Be in touch if you would like more news about this.

Marcelo Alves. My lawyer friend (see last week's post) was accepted for his PhD at King's College. Wahey!

Edson Careca. It was carnaval this weekend which is a good time to get together with the family and hit the beach. The sun was beating down and everywhere was obscenely crowded but we had a good time nonetheless. For the fourth time, I went on the sand dune buggy ride, this time with Rachel's brother and girlfriend. In a moment of insanity we chose to go with the driver Edson Careca (see last week's post) who seemed hell-bent on raising his own ridiculously high bar for driving like a lunatic. Nelson complained about a sore bum the next day and Marcella vowed never to do it again.

Things I miss about England #28: Cycle lanes. Steve and I cycled out to Genipabu beach from north Natal (inspired by Theo who walked there in a morning) on Monday. It was fairly flat and the scenery was beautiful - a recommended excursion for any gringos, as long as you have sundown layered on with a spade, shades and a hat. The only thing was in the short stretch on busy streets it was really a case of us battling the buses, the buggies, the pedestrians, the animals, the motorbikes and the potholes with no protection except your wits. York cycle paths this was not. At one point, I was distracted by the sight of a small town car close to scraping the floor under the burden of the 9 people it was carrying. That's 2 in the front, 4 in the backseat and three kids sitting in the boot, with the hatch open and their legs dangling out over the bumper waving at the cars behind.

Things I love about Brazil #39: Carne de sol and macaxeira fritas. After our cycle ride I was famished and couldn't wait to order my favourite snack. Carne de sol is sun-dried, cured meat which is included in many of the dishes of northern Brazil. It is often cut into strips or shredded and has a very salty taste. It is usally fried very simply - probably in soya oil - and comes with some tomatoes, onions and lettuce if you're lucky. The local deli sells it and today I bought a kilo to make for lunch. Macaxeira (Manioc in English) fritas (fries) are a good accompaniment, very filling and so nice when they are crispy and fresh. Nelson loves to get a long Macaxeira frita, dip it in ketchup or Mayonnaise (or both mixed together) and suck the chip soggy.

Theo's pictures of sand dunes. As has already been mentioned one of the best things about this part of Brazil is the proliferation of sand dunes. Theo took some ace photos, two of which are here. The first is of Natal's most famous landmark, the Morro de Careca (bald man's hill). The second is from a place called Maracajau. At Genipabu beach you can hire a buggy+driver to take you out on the sand for a rollercoaster experience and a chance to sample the extraordinary scenery and views. Ruth Leckenby described her experience like this. Anyway, I've added two videos to my YouTube account to give you guys an idea of what it's all about. Video 1 is the view from outside the buggy. Video 2 is the view from the inside. See if you can spot a yelling Theo and Tom in the back seats on the latter.

Christmas survey. This Christmas I will be without these usual British Christmas things a) mince pies and mulled wine b) cold weather c) the Queen's speech d) Boxing Day. None of these things exist in north-east Brazil. Of course, we have church and a chance to celebrate the real reason for Christmas, so I'm happy. But, which of those things would you say were (nearly) essential to giving you that Christmas feeling back home? Go on, vote!

Things I miss about England #60: Toilets don't block so easily, and you can flush toilet paper. Guests to Brazil from the UK or USA are often horrified to find that when you get here you are not supposed to put used toilet paper down the loo. When you're doing a number 2, and after you finished your business, any toilet paper you feel you need to use to... well, you know... has to be wrapped up and put in the bin. In part due to the visit of Tom and Theo who carried out the necessary toilet procedures in thoroughly British ways, and in part due to our forgetfulness while on the john and also the erroneous assumption we harboured that by living in a house as opposed to an apartment we were somehow more exempt from this sanitary protocol, our toilets - actually, one in particular - became thoroughly blocked last week. With rubber gloves on, a small and ultimately useless plunger in hand and a peg on my nose, I attempted to fix the stench-inducing problem. My best efforts resulted in little more than the discovery of a cockroach under the rim of the bowl so we had to call in a man. In the man came, and he fixed all our upstairs toilets (all 3 of them) saying that the other two were reaching the point of no return too. So, it's all sorted and we won't be flushing paper down the loo no more.

Things I love about Brazil #54: cheap labour. The cost of our toilet repairs: R$100 (about £25). A small price to pay for fully functioning commodes, I guess... The low cost of labour makes service provision very cheap in Brazil. This week we've had to rely on it in different ways. For example, apart from the toilet episode, we were able leave Nelson at a playgroup with a babysitting for half an hour at the shopping centre so we could get our Christmas shopping done (cost R$4 or £1). Rachel got our car totally cleaned inside and out (cost R$10 or £2.50) and Nelson has been constantly impressed by the small army of brass band players performing Christmas hits, the clowns, chaps on stilts, the Father Christmas', the Santa's little helpers all on hand to entertain him and his young colleagues at the shopping centre (cost to us zero!).

Christmas away. Tomorrow Rach, Nelson and I drive to Joao Pessoa for festivities proper with all Rachel`s extended family. Nelson`s great great granny Bemvinda is celebrating her 90th birthday too and a Brazil vs Rest of the World footy match will be taking place at some point to commemorate this. After Christmas we will be by the beach at a resort with Rach's immediate family. Anyway, the upshot of all this is I think I will rest the blog until after new year... it`s in need of a bit of a rehaul too, so watch this space in January for a new look, swisher blog. In the meantime, why note vote on the new poll to the left. Have a wonderful Christmas whoever you are, wherever you are, and a blessed New Year!

Things I miss about England #100: the weather. Most of the time I do not in the slightest bit miss the English weather, the constant threat of drizzle, the slab of gray that covers the sky for most of the months between August and May and the fact that it'ss dark when you go to work and dark when you get home and worst of all that feeling when you're in bed that one inch either side of your already shivering limbs will touch iceberg-like bed sheets. Put it this way, in Brazil I have never had to turn my car headlights on at noon as I once did in York. OK, but sometimes I do miss the variety of the seasons and especially at Christmas I feel the season's festivities aren't quite complete when you can't genuinely sing "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas". Here, the shopping malls are full of fake snow in their Santa's grotos, but the only white Christmas we're getting is a dusting from the nearest sand dune.

Things I love about Brazil #6: the weather. I love tropical weather, I feel better, healthier, fitter, more productice (cit. Radiohead), I see more clearly (seriously, I hardly wear my prescriptions), I get up with a spring in my step and the cold water coming out of the shower first thing in the morning is a refreshing treat, not punishment for sins, as it is in the UK.

Things I miss about England #95: mince pies and mulled wine. For most of the year I wouldn't notice this small luxury, but mince pies and mulled wine are conspiciously absent from my consumable Christmas options and this is a shame.

Things I love about Brazil #25: informal dress codes. I've just come back from the end of semester Christmas do. I was MC-ing the event in English with Amy doing the Portuguese. I was the only man there sporting a tie. Brazilians are relaxed, and from a small town like Natal, even more so. I'm glad I didn't pack a dinner jacket, bow tie or any such regalia when we moved out here. None of that faff would ever see the light of day round here.

Things I miss about England #5: Being in the loop. Funny story this weekend. I had been itching to take Theo to watch a bonefide Brazilian footy match and several weeks back I spotted that America RN's last game of the season was on Saturday at home. Just up the road in other words, to watch America (relegated and looking up the table at everyone else) play Gremio (fighting for a place in the Libetadores South America Cup). In English terms, it would be like watching Derby County vs Everton, based on present form.

As Perry Groves frequently says in his biography: "Job Done". Or so I thought. We built our day around the 17.10 KO and came back from the beach early to make sure we didn't miss anything. We made the 5 minute drive from our house to the stadium with half an hour to spare. Down at the Machadao I parked nearby. Hmmmm, no trouble with spaces today and where's that guy who usually wants money for keeping an eye on the car? We saunter over to the stadium and, oddly, nobody is there. I'm expecting to be bothered by touts anytime soon. We wonder round the edge of the desolate stadium. Have I got the wrong day? I must be going mad. No wait, stewards are guarding the entrances, the police horses are out and what's that? Some of the away support are banging the gates to get in. They can't have shut the doors already? This game would never sell out. America can barely fill one block in this 38,000 capacity megolith. In fact, we're early. But why is it so quiet outside and, more tellingly, inside?

So, using my finely tuned Portugeuse I asked the nearest steward what was going on. He told me the game started two hours later and that the stadium was closed. Huh, I'm sure the website said 17.10. Perhaps it's something to do with the TV station deciding to broadcast at a different time.

And perplexed, we went off home so as to help Rach put the little one to bed. I decided to check the TV and internet to work out what was going on. Strangely, the internet was running live coverage of the game - and it had already started - at the time I thought it would: 17.10! Rach started frantically searching google for more news, and we called Rachel's brother to find out what was going on.

Eventually, this is what we discovered: America RN supporters had got into trouble with the CBF (Brazilian football authority), probably for throwing things on the pitch, so they were banned support at their last home game. The fixture was taking place behind closed doors in complete silence, but they still needed the police there to check nobody attempted to get in. I wondered if Theo and I should go down and explain: "We're tourists, we just want to look around the stadium. We promise not to look at the football if you don't want us to! Just let us in. We won't be coming back ever again and we certainly weren't the people throwing things on the pitch!".

As for those away fans banging ont he doors to get in? All I can say is, I hope they didn't drive from Gremio for the showdown only to be denied entry. Gremio is in the state called Rio Grande de Sul (big river of the south) and Natal is the state called Rio Grande de Norte (big river of the north). The two cities are at opposite ends of the country, Gremio being just a stones throw from Argentina and Uruguay. It would be like a Turkish football fan travelling all the way from Istanbul to Aberdeen only to find the match was called off because of snow. And, as for the steward I asked giving me mis-information? Well, probably he was speaking the truth and I just misunderstood him say 7.10 and not 17.10. When he said the stadium was closed, he really meant it was properly closed for the whole night...

This all illustrates my point. If I had more football-loving friends around, if I listened to the radio as much as other Brazilian football supporters, if I checked the right internet sites, if I had known it was possible for the support to be denied entry but the game to continue, If... if... if I was in the loop I would be less prone to making gaffs such as the one I made. Being in a foriegn country is all about being out of the loop to an extent. Sometimes it felt like that in York, and I was just a Londoner! So, Theo will just have to wait until next weekend to watch his football match when we go down to Recife. Rachel's Dad is lining us up to watch the local side Nautico play in their last league game of the season. I think we'll double check to see if their support are banned from entering before we set off, although I suspect Steve will have his finger on the pulse a bit more than I did.

(A small footnote to finish this tale. If you were an America RN supporter you were doubly gyped on Saturday. Not only were you not allowed in your own stadium, but you had no way to watch the game on TV either. The match was broadcast nationally but blocked in the home state of Rio Grande de Norte - the point being to discourage people from sitting in their beach huts watching the game on the box when they could be at the game live and in person. But, seeing as "watching live" was no longer an option, the genuine hardcore fans were caught between a rock and a hard place, between not watching it live and not watching it on TV. Well, at least they had the radio...).

Things I love about Brazil #5: If you're fond of sand dunes and salty air... On Sunday, as if to make up for the dissapointment of the football or lack of it, we all had a terrific day in Maracajau, a beach village further north. Rachel and Nelson went to the Ma Noa waterpark and Theo and I went snorkelling (see Ruth's last blog for details of the same expedition). After a glorious lunch Rachel and I decided to settle an old bet about sand dunes, and this is how it happened.

When we first visited Maracajau I spotted an inviting sand dune a short way off the road and suggested I would like to run up it in 10 minutes. Rach adamantly suggested that the distances were deceptive - the dune was miles away - and climbing sand was virtually impossible. In short, Rach reckoned I'd be lucky to do it in less than half an hour. Well, we found the sand dune in question, Theo was official arbitrator and time recorder and so off we went. I'm happy to report I scaled the sand dune in 8 minutes, with time to spare for Theo to take a few pics on the way up.

But actually, when we topped the peak of the sand dune we were greeted by a glorious vista of miles of Brazil's interior. In the other direction, the rich blue of the Atlantic ocean. With no soul for (what seemed like) miles around we ran like madmen over the lunar landscape. It was the most exhilirating, refreshing, dreamy, surreal thing. I was falling about with the reckless abandon of an 80s pop icon shooting a music video. It was therapy for the soul. The white sand was totally undisturbed, it looked like computer-generated snow. If you ever get the chance to take a few hours off to sit by yourself or with a pal in the middle of some sand dunes, go for it. All worries will float away. I think you'll only really grasp this if you actually do it once. Running on sand dunes. Definitely one of my favourite things about Brazil.