FIVE...
...extremely common mistakes Brazilians make when they write English.

There are many reasons why my students get things wrong in English writing. Sometimes its ignorance, sometimes its bad luck, sometimes its laziness, sometimes its because their language skills are not great in Portuguese so they lack the skills to transfer them to English. For example, a sentence without a verb has often more to do with not forming sentences in any language than a misunderstanding of English. And then, and this is where my students draw my sympathy, its because they try to create a construction in English but their Portuguese (whether consciously or not) interferes. This, as the pros call it, is L1 interference. And here are 5 very common examples that I've noticed in my short-lived career as an English teacher.

1. My sister borned in Sao Paulo. In English, unlike Portuguese, we use the verb "to be" before born: He will be born, I was born etc. Also, students typically guess the pass tense as ending in -ed, hence "borned".
2. I got an information and a research about a good weather. Uncountable nouns. Information, research and weather are all countable in Portuguese, but not in English. When I teach students we can have "a piece of" uncountable things like luck, luggage, furniture, information and research they are always totally astonished.
3. The taxi was late and I lost the plane. In Portuguese the verb "perder" means both lose and miss. Its just one example of several verbs which don't map exactly to English (see also: know/meet).
4. His mother was arriving soon - he was waiting for your mother. In Portuguese, we have "seu/sua" which cover the bases of all of "your, his, her, their" - context usually helps decide who is being talked about. Unfortunately, students often try, as in Portuguese, to just use one word to fit and they usually choose "your".
5. I was deceptionated and exausted. This is really two problems rolled into one. In Portuguese, to be "decepcionado" means to be disappointed (and has nothing to do with being decieved). This is an example of a false cognate between the two languages and students who don't realise this will often try and paste across the Portuguese word with an English ending (=deceptionated). Also, English spelling his highly irregular compared to Portuguese, so having to spell words like exhausted which includes an erroneous silent "h" is asking a lot.

When students get these wrong frequently, I blame the teacher!

Cousin Daniel arrives. Just got a call from Rach at the airport. Dan is here! Woohoo!

Things I miss about England #42: CDs on magazines. if you want new music in Natal, you download it illegally or you go the guy with the wagon on the beach and you ask him to download it illegally. Cousin Dan could well be bringing me some music mags from the UK with CDs on the front - for many years, this was my way to hear new, legal, good music. Maybe, I'm just a traditionalist, but...

Amusing uses of English. Just been marking more tests. From some tests about parts of the body and ailments... Students had to fill in gaps with the correct words and sometimes the first letter was given as a clue. Expected answers were, of course, blowing/fainted/fainted/throat.

When you have a cold you spend a long time chewing your nose.

I was on the train and lost consciousness. I failed.

I was on the train and lost consciousness. I falled over [sic].

I have a sore toe - it hurts when I laugh.

AN A-Z OF ADVENTURES WITH MUM AND DAD

A is for Amusing uses of English. I think I understand what the above helpful messages are saying, or do I... Also, is there anything wrong with this option on a menu: "A chest of backwoods chicken"? My Mum ordered it. We think it means, "A breast of country chicken".

B is for Beautiful. The most uttered adjective when viewing sunsets, sunrises, spectacular views, New Years fireworks, food, wildlife, birds, the swimming pool, the moon and so on... Some pictures of the above are now revolving in the slideshow to the right.

Amusing uses of English: Lucas' test. I'm just marking tests from my Upper Intermediate 2 group and I came across a gem from Lucas, a half-Japanese, half-Brazilian teenager. I simply had to put it on here for a wider audience to enjoy. I've written it out all below including his errors. His answer moves from the amusing to the surreal to the sensible. I gave him a mark of 17/20. Some accuracy problems, but he was creative!

Question: Write about this topic - Men and women: differences and similarities. Mention personality, characteristics, natural talents, job situations, basic rights etc.

Women's bathroom, men's bathroom.

Men and women don't have many differences, both of them have legs, arms, nose and eyes. But what I can't understand is why the bathrooms are so different? The men's bathrooms are, usually, small have few toilets and sinks. Whatever the women's bathrooms have more of all of it and, sometimes, have chairs or puffs, to they relax.

Differences like this make our minds work in opposite way. Men have a global view, they can look and remind stuffs. They have a better concentration when working at one thing like reading or listening to musics. Women have a better close view. They can find the butter, when the man was looking it for a long time, and it was in front his nose, and their can pay attention in a lot of things: take care the baby, and the dinner and answer the phone in the same times.

Our culture doesn't use the best talents of men and women. In the job, men earn more than women, in spite of the fact they work together, in the same department. If we could be able to use the differences, probably the world will be better, very better.

Lucas

Life... is pretty much going on as normal. Gloria is very uncomplaining and with Rach's Mum around everything is more managable. The weather has been mostly rainy - it is the season for it - and a lot of sickness has been going round. One of the Cultura teachers picked up dengue. Nelson got a nasty tummy infection last week which I caught, but thank God neither Rachel or Gloria have it. Nelson and I are over the worst now.

We've decided to move! This is without a doubt a crazy thing to do, but being a Maclure/Barlow family moving at the drop of a hat doesn't seem to be unsusual. We thought about moving prior to the baby but nothing came up at a reasonable price. Typically, with Gloria approaching her 1 month birthday, we find a great flat on the other side of town walking distance from Nelson`s school in a condo with a swimming pool, games room and acres of space downstairs for the little ones to tire themselves out in. I was the last to be convinced but on seeing the modern and spacious apartment on the 2nd floor I thought we should go for it for our final year in Brazil. The house where we are living now has been fine, but it is a bit decrepit, a bit exposed to thieves (see here and here), prone to ants, bugs, scoprions and mozzies. The apartment is better on all those fronts. Besides, the swimming pool is a great lure and might actually result in me getting some exercise... We will move in the holiday month of July.

More internet larks. It's likely I might be going to Fortaleza with some of the teachers in July for a conference. Several of us are giving papers and, if accepted, I'm to do a little workshop on English on the internet. I try to use the internet a lot in my English classes - setting homework online, using a teacher blog and I even gave my first e-lesson yesterday entirely on the theme of Garfield the cat. I have to say my normally surly teenagers loved that so I shall be trying it again soon. Through all this I discovered the handy website toondoo.com which allows you to create comic strips. It got me inspired and I am now penning the occasional 1 panel comic about the daftness of the English language. It's called MADDOGS&ENGLISH. Have a look (especially if the Far Side was your thing in the 90s). It's already picking up a fair few hits from out there in cyber space.

Nelson's toy car (click here to see pic). The problem with the design of Nelson's dinky buggy is that it is unlikely people visit Austria to go out into the "wild" and, indeed, I don't think there is a great kangaroo population there either. It's another amusing use of English where Brazilians cut and paste English-sounding phrases and words onto products to make them seem more authentic.

24 hours later. Even more amazing than Natal's floods is the fact that they dissapear so quickly. Wednesday was followed by a very bright and sunny Thursday with no standing water around. See the before and after picture of the football pitch that had the car in. The Thursday picture was taken less than 24 hours after the Wednesday one.

Pictures. Some snaps of various things including ur trip to Pipa (see last entry) and from the Great Britain project my students did a few weeks back can be viewed here.

Crime and Punishment. I have been teaching various groups the vocabulary of crime and punishment in English. What's the difference between kidnap and hijack, weapon and gun, steal and rob, mug and assault, confess and accuse, convict and condemn? Easy for us, not so easy for a Brazilian. One amusing thing that came out of all this was several students independently told me they had had their baseball caps nicked. It seems a funny thing to steal but they are worn exposed to the elements and perhaps one could get a couple of bob for a good one at the market down town. One student of mine, Alberto, had his nicked when a kid swiped it and ran off a bus. A week later, having bought a new version of the same cap, it was thiefed by a passing cyclist who lifted it right off Alberto's scalp before peddling off leaving Alberto fuming in his wake. Alberto says he doesn't bother buying baseball caps anymore.

In any case, the crime in Natal is really not a major concern compared to other capital cities in Brazil. And yet, early on a Saturday morning, we found ourselves to be almost the victims of domestic burglary. Nelson woke up at 5am and wanted me to play with him. He requested his supply of cars be replenished so I dutifully went downstairs to get more toys only to see a man tip-toeing around our front patio. Without really stopping to think of the consequences, I thumped on the window and bellowed as loud as I could in any language I could think of. I opened the screen door, pounded over the tiles and chased him out the gate in just my undies. Complete with my gruff unshaven look I later supposed the total effect would've seen off a standing army. Anyway, he and an accomplice had already made it to the corner at the end of the street but to my relief they didn't seem to be carrying anything in their hands. At this point, Rachel came shooting downstairs looking like she expected to see the four horsemen of the apocalypse and was relieved when it was "only" robbers and that Nelson was OK in his bedroom and I hadn't tumbled down the stairs and broken my face.

Our thieves were probably 2 minutes from getting the bike through the gate so, thanks to Nelson ultimately, they didn't get away with anything. They had jimmied the gate with a crowbar (so we'll need to get a proper lock for that) and had spotted the bikes behind our parked cars. So, it made for a great story to tell my students this morning, and, of course, it was great vocab practice for them.

Surveymonkey.com I discovered quite a handy website this week when my good friend Jawad (who was one of my best friends at Turi in Kenya and now a facebook pal) sent me a link to complete a survey for him on ethical purchasing. He is somehow involved in setting up a business that distributes African clothes at a fair price to the producers. Anyway, if you have five minutes and if this subject area interests you, please help him out by taking his survey here. So impressed was I with surveymonkey.com which organises everything for people to do online surveys (for free!) that I have started using it as a way for students to submit homework online. I also made a very quick survey of my own to try and get a better picture on people´s blogging "habits". Please check it out too if you have a few minutes to spare. Much obliged!

Looking down the barrel of a busy week. After a great weekend away in Pipa, Rach and I are back to get stuck into a busy period that doesn't look set to let up until sometime in August. Of course, the big thing is the arrival of baby number 2 in probably less than 1 month. Also, Rach is in the thick of organising a huge conference for all the Directors of all the Cultura Inglesa language schools which will be held here in Natal. Next week is test week for students so I have to write a few tests and give a few tests... More about our weekend away in the next post.

Some further notes from the open diary of how to (and how not to) speak the Portuguese language. Teaching English has helped me learn Portuguese in immeasurable ways. Apart from increasing my knowledge of grammar and how languages are structured and function, teaching English has also given me many ideas on best practice for learning a new language, tips on how to keep going and it has also given me an indication of my level of Portuguese and what I should be concentrating on at that level. For example, if I speak English to a student and find that their English is below my Portuguese (i.e. I know the words they can't find) then I know I'm above them and likewise below others. All in all, I think I am at least Intermediate level Portuguese with probably some aspects higher and others lower on account of not learning in a structured way from a course or book.

One of the chief advantages of teaching English to the people whom you are trying to learn a language from is that their mistakes highlight the make-up of their own language. Let me put that more simply. As Brazilians repeatedly make the same errors in English it teaches me how their langugage works and how they are thinking. Here are some examples:

1) Countable and uncountable nouns. Strange as it may seem, in Portuguese it is possible to count the words research, information, equipment and music. Try putting a number before those words and an "s" on the end in English and it will sound very strange. For all of the above we have to put "a piece of" before the noun to desribe one part of it. Brazilians (sometimes with very high levels) are always getting this wrong saying "I listened to some good musics on my ipod" or "I did three researches for my course" or whatever. Indirectly, I have learned that these are countable in their language and I try not to make the same mistake in reverse.

2) Verbs with similar but not identical meanings. There are countless examples of this, but I'll leave you with just two. In English, we use the verb "miss" in all kinds of strange ways (miss a goal/ miss a bus/ I miss you) and Brazilians don't really have that verb so they tend to use "lose" because in their language they would use the equivelent verb "perder" for some of these things. Consequently, they translate their Portuguese into English and say things like "I lost the taxi" and "Ronaldo lost the goal" which sound very strange in English and have completely different meanings. Either way, as I chuckle away at my students making mistakes I gain some new insight into the workings of Portuguese. Another example is that in England we use the verb to rob to refer to taking something from a person or organisation and the verb to steal to refer to the object being taken. Portuguese makes no such distinction and has just one verb "roubar" which sounds like the first of the English verbs. Students forget which is which and often say things like "The man robbed the car" or "The gang stole the bank" each with slightly different meanings. Again, it's a window into Portuguese for me...

All this is leading up to my final point: wouldn't English be a whole lot easier if it was just a bit more regular, standardised, streamlined and logical? It would certainly make my life easier and my students lives easier too. With this in mind I have written a proposal to alter the English language in 10 small ways to make it easier to teach and learn. I hope you like my ideas. You can read them here.

A week is a long time in blogging. It's been a busy few days which is why I haven't updated my blog since last Tuesday - quite a long time for me. What have I been doing? Mostly, not sleeping too much (Nelson is waking up each night in a bit of a state, not sure why) and teaching private English lessons at no notice to a Jewish man (a rare thing in Brazil) who is a store manager (not such a rare thing) and watching countless...

Great Britain projects. Each year students of Cultura are encouraged to do a project. This year's theme is Great Britain. I'm finding it fascinating watching Brazilians give their opinions on my homeland. Part of the interest lies in their choice of what to do their project on - the traditional, "stereotypical" British things are well represented - the walls of the language school are plastered with posters of David Beckham, football, the Beatles, the Queen (both the monarch and the Rock band), tea drinking, London tourist attractions and fish'n'chips.

Other titles have included Mr.Bean, Sherlock Holmes, The X Factor and Harry Potter. The one project that so far actually taught me a lot about something I knew nothing about was an Advanced group's presentation of famous British fashion designers: Vivian Westwood, John Galiano and Stella McCartney. (You will notice that for many people here Great Britain = England. Despite encouraging my students to try and "think out the box" and maybe do something about Scotland they all stuck to what they knew. One project was entitled "Ireland" and talked about the Republic - an interesting political mishap out here in Brazil which would infuriate a significant percentage of the Irish population).

British pop music has featured highly in many presentations and it's a reminder to me how much British rock bands and singers have influenced the landscape of world music. The Rolling Stones, Amy Winehouse, McFly, Lily Allen, Oasis and Led Zep have all featured in students' projects. On one level I'm proud of British music - I enjoy it and a lot of it is good - but the students seem to emphasise the reputation for drug taking that many of these personalities have and that's a shame.

I especially enjoyed listening to an excellent presentation from Moyses and Leonardo (students of mine from last semester) who gave an adlib, blow by blow account of the history of Oasis beginning with how Kurt Cobain's death spelt the end of grunge and Oasis' first album the introduction of Britpop. They were followed by Raul and Daniel talking about the history of British music festivals - Reading/Leeds, V festival and Glastonbury. I had to hold my tongue from interjecting throughout with "I was there!" and "I went to that, it was ace!".

Afterwards, I spoke to the students and Leonardo asked me: "have you ever seen Oasis, teacher?". My reply, "Yes, I have - on the Be Here Now tour" led to raised eyebrows from the young chaps. I felt like the old timer at the home asked to retell his war stories or an astronaut recounting how he stepped on the moon. I maybe overdid it a bit, spouting forth with tales of being a teenager in mid-90s London but they all seemed generally awestruck. Leonardo's closing words to me were: "I hope to go to a concert one day". What was telling about his response was that it wasn't just that he wanted to go to an Oasis concert, he wanted to go to ONE concert... Natal is 3000 kms from Rio, the place anyone big would play if they toured South America. Leo's ambition to make it to ONE gig of a large international act was still a pretty big dream for a Natalense. If you're reading this in London you need to remember to thank the Lord in your prayers that you live in the centre of such a rich cultural world. Many people wish they could be there.

Things I miss about England #56: Going to Rock gigs. In view of the above, R.E.M. have announced their tour support and will be playing some European dates with the Editors (who are OK) and the Disciplines (who are ace). Akkk, I wish I could see them but I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere!

Things I love about Brazil #95: Radio Rede Hallelujah. It's helping me to learn Portuguese even if it's a bit cheesey. Rede Hallelujah is a Christian radio station and I have it on in the car at the moment.

(ps. I've lost count of where I'm up to on the things I miss / things I love list but it will be resolved this week).

Culture Shock Treatment. I've been feeling a bit down lately and not really known why. I'm no longer that interested in the novelty of being in Natal - instead of wanting to listen to Brazilian music, eat Brazilian food or read Brazilian news, I've found myself increasingly anxious to get hold of the English versions of all of the above. I keep thinking about getting back to the UK even though we've been here over a year and we will still be here over a year. One or two small things haven't gone my way which got me a bit down and, despite a great life here, I've sometimes pined for the smoggy, cold, hectic life of London or York. What's going on?

Even though I pride myelf on being a bit of an international boy, in truth I haven't lived for longer than 6 months in a row outside the UK since I was 8. Nonetheless, I do come from sturdy missionary stock. How did my great grandfather, my grandfather, my parents survive months in the bush with no contact with the outside world? I have quite a few things going my way - I am surrounded by colleagues and family who speak English, we have a nice place to live in a quiet neighbourhood and I am well connected with folks back home. Surely, I can do better than this?

Actually, I sometimes think that my being connected to life in the UK through the internet, friends visiting, phone calls or post is sometimes responsible for increasing my sense of wanting to be back home. Whatever it is, I chatted about it with Rach and realised something I hadn't even thought of: I'm suffering from culture shock. A bit late granted, and probably fairly mild, but it seems to be culture shock.

I saw it in dozens of international students - usually when they were half way through their stay in York (I've been here ages and I have ages to go!), often when they had had a few knocks and when the novelty of life in York had worn out and the lure of Mum's homemade Chinese dumplings was irresistable. Culture Shock is defined in various ways but this interpretation on wikipedia suggests I have passed through the honeymoon period and am now in phase 2 - the negotiation period.

As soon as I recognised I had culture shock I felt a lot better. Now I realise it's something to get through I've been listening to Brazilian radio, eating my beans and speaking my Portuguese with extra gusto.

A truly awesome day. Actually, thanks be to God, I had a really smashing day on Wednesday which has convinced me life in Brazil is managable and actually quite enjoyable. In the morning I had an English class with some of Natal's pastors. It's my most rewarding group as I really endorse their motives for learning and I am impressed with their commitment. We had a great time, we prayed together. They are learning the irregular past verbs in English (*see language note below). Pastor Gerson, a larger than life evangelist/preacher character not wholly unlike Roger Simpson, gets frustrated at his inability to communicate in English and often bursts out with anecdotes or jokes in Portuguese. After one of his stories, in which he recounted a recent trip to Spain, I said that there was nothing in his story he couldn't say in English. So, I stopped my lesson plan, and we worked through his little tale turning all the verbs into past ones. He seemed surprised and thrilled by the end to actually have aquired enough basic English to tell a story. At the end of the hour I spoke with them at length in Portuguese and realised that in comfortable vocabulary areas my Portuguese was close to fluent. They seemed to take this as an encouragement - if their teacher could learn enough Portuguese to get by, then one day they would get English.

At lunch I spoke to my folks on Skype. They are on holiday in the States and speaking to them is always a highlight of the day. After lunch Rachel took Nelson to his first swimming lesson and he loved it. I went across town to teach English to a group of Intermediate level teenagers who have been giving my gyp lately. The classroom we usually use - a big narrow, echoey room with a loud air conditioner - never helped matters, but the air con wasn't working and we were moved to another, smaller room. This changed the dynamic considerably and the rascals more or less fell into line and with a couple of running around games for the kinesthetic learners we were away, English was learned and we had a great time.

But, probably THE highlight of the day came five minutes after the end of the lesson. The language school driver had to take me and two others back across town to the other Cultura Unit. The driver is a certain Sr. Ricardo, an earnest and well-meaning man whose baffling Portuguese (**see below) sometimes confuses Brazilians yet alone gringos like me. He has a natural lust for life which he applies to everything he does including using the car accelerator. Anyway, as I sat in the vehicle and he pulled away, the car sound system was blaring out a jolly tune and Sr. Ricardo informed me that it was him singing on it. Unbeknownst to me Sr. Ricardo is quite the singer/songwriter in his spare time. He composes Christian worship music and he has a pretty good voice. His recordings are lively but, because of costs, most of the instrumentation has been recorded on a synthesizer. As we made the 20 minute journey across town, Sr. Ricardo, eyes popping out of his head in excitement, regailed with me with the story behind every tune and then proceeded to turn the volume way up - both in his singing and on the CD player. He suggested I teach him English so he can write Englsh songs and tour the UK. I honestly think he should! His enthuisasm would win over millions. At one point he introduced a song his wife had written and proceeded to turn on the in-car light to show me that the hairs on his arm were standing on end. I think mine were too. When we stopped at traffic lights, his hands came off the wheel and involuntarily started waving and swaying to the music. His God-given passion for praise was totally infectious and I stepped out of the car at the end of the ride with a huge grin on my face and the sense that I hadn't heard any music so refreshing and uplifting in a long time. It was food for my soul and I walked to my next class buzzing and vowing to get me a copy of Sr. Ricardo's album to a) help me learn Portuguese and b) help me get up in the morning. Bless that man!

* Irregular Schmirregular. If, like me, you learned your English by osmosis, you may never have stopped to think about our often bizarre grammar and conjugation rules. The past tense in English is soooooo much easier than Portuguese when all you have to do is add -ed to verbs such as play, want and walk. But, the irregular ones are pretty irregular as my pastors have been findng out. If bought is the past of buy, why not trought for the past of try? Or, if fought is the past of fight, why not lought for the past of light? Or, if taught is the past of teach, why is brought the past of bring and not breach? Or if eat is ate, why can't I say that yesterday I bate you at tennis but you losed at chess because I chate? Or, if sat is the past of sit, then couldn't fat be the past of fit? As in, she fat in the small space, and so on...

**A footnote in the open diary of how to (and how not to) get by in the Portuguese language. Apart from Sr.Ricardo there is another Brazilian whose Portuguese I find even more baffling. He also works at the language school. He is the janitor, a Sr.Joachim. When he speaks, he reminds me of the Octopus from Pocoyo. You need a black belt in Portuguese to understand him. The day I get his every word will be the day I see some winged pork chops flutter past the window.

This may be longest ever post. If you've got this far you're a saint and I salute your stamina...

"China in Box" and other amusing uses of English. The Brazilian fast food outlet which delivers noodles to your door, "China in Box" has started marketing on TV. What strikes me as odd is that they seem to be consciously aware that the name of their outlet uses incorrect English. The advert has a Chinese person speaking English saying "China in Box" in a ham accent, as if to reinforce the idea that missing the indefinite article is a problem far-eastern people make when using foreign languages. (Even the grammtically-correct name of "China in a box" is somewhat surreal). The irony, of course, is that most "China in Box" customers will be Brazilians who don't speak English and are unaware of what mistakes Chinese people make speaking English. Ultimately, it is an example of bad English out there in the real world which is bound to come back and bite me, an English teacher, where it most hurts: namely, in the classroom. I'm half expecting my kids to come up with abominal constructions such as "Renato in car" and "Larissa in swimming pool" and "Brazil in cupboard".

Speaking of dodgy English, have I told you the one about the local seafood restaurant who had their entire menu translated into English? Every single item came under the wily eye of some bilingual jobsmith. This included a translation for "Tia Maria" as, you guessed it, "Aunt Mary". It's enough to make you want to knock back a couple shots of... well... Aunt Mary, I suppose.

Lastly, hot-footing it on this hall of infamy, comes my new Intermediate class who took tests this week. To be fair to them, they are a bunch of teenagers who would really prefer not be in an English class (and I would prefer them not to be there) and are finding the jump up to this level quite tough. But, is this really good enough, I ask? I blame the teacher.

Complete the sentences:

The person in charge of a sports team is a c_______ .

Correct answer: captain/coach

Student answer: charger

Maria is on a d_______. She is not eating chocolate or sweets.

Correct answer: diet.

Student answer: delicious

Another student answer: deserts (I think Maria being "on a deserts" [sic] was the reason for the diet, non?)

My mother's new husband is my s_________.

Correct answer: stepfather.

Student answer: sister (WHATTT!!!???? The implications are terrifying!)

The brother of my mother is my u_____.

Correct Answer: uncle.

Student answer: uant. (Eh?)

So, I`ve got my work cut out this term, I can tell you.

Joy has left the building. And it's goodbye to Joy who was with us for 3 weeks. "Titia Doy" as Nelson referred to her, will be sorely missed. Next entry on this blog will feature some of Joy's artwork.

Ode to Natal. To commemorate international poetry day later this week, students of English will be having a go at various poetic forms at Cultura Inglesa. I got some Master level students to write Haiku in celebration of Natal's beaches. If you don't know what Haiku is, it originates from Japan and is very simple. The basic idea is that it is 1) generally about the natural world 2) has only three lines 3) follows a pattern of syllables, the most common of which is 5-7-5 across the three lines. Fancy a go? Why not enter an internet haiku competition here for cash prizes here.

sunset landscape
bright and quiet sea
memories that I lived

pretty sunny day
fresh water through my fingers
delighting the time

feel the breeze
kissing your body
and just dream away

the lap of the sea
makes me fall to my knees
as the breeze touches my ears

coconut sunset
over the palm tree shade
and the day is gone

So, it's thank you to Andreza, Lianne, Valentina and Rafaela for those. And watch this space for more Natal-inspired arts later this week. Joy, who studied art at Newcastle, has been painting her way through her visit here - results will be on this blog first. What a scoop!

The incident of the overfed turtle. Nelson is independent enough to spend chunks of time wandering downstairs by himself. Most of the time, he's pushing cars down ramps or watching Toy Story or something. On Saturday, Nelson was left to his own devices for a while and later on in the morning Rachel discovered one thing he had been up to - feeding the turtle. Nelson, who we let feed Guga a handful of feed once a day, had found the pot of food, untwisted the cap and poured the entire contents of the nearly-full packet into the little turtle's waterbowl. I guess, using the logic that nobody wants small rations of food they really like (for Nelson this would include yoghurt and chocolate milk), the toddler had decided to give his reptillian friend an eat-all-you-can feast. The result: Guga was carrying a 1 inch thick coat of dried shrimp on his shell.

A new class. One of the Cultura teachers has decided to leave and so her groups have been parcelled out to the rest of us. For me, a group of teenagers who are in Intermediate 1. It is probably the youngest group at the lowest level I have taught. Based on today's first lesson, it's quite a challenge.

Sand dune park - trip number 5. We took Joy to Genipabu and once again I went on the sand dune buggy ride with the gringo guest. This time, the driver drove "sem emoção" (without emotion) and took us on an alternative route through the park. The views, as usual, were stunning.

Chad part 4. A quick update - things in Chad have quietened down and Mum is on her way back to Africa next week. She will go via France to see her brother and family and then meet up with Dad and the team in Cameroon. There's still a long way to go before "normality" resumes but these are promising signs. As far as I know, their car has not been recovered.

Amusing uses of English. These are the answers to the mini-quiz which I set on a recent post. The answers to English words with Portuguese spellings that are commonly used in Brazil are:
uau = wow
xampu = shampoo
piquenique = picnic
cauboi = cowboy
uisque = whiskey
maicon = Michael

Amy Winehouse. Congrats to Amy Winehouse for scooping 5 awards at the recent grammys. More so, congrats to her on confronting her demons and sticking it out at rehab. I was pleased to see a good article about Amy written by her brother Alex in this week's Times. Alex is an old school pal of mine. The Winehouse family used to live on the same road as us in London.

Bits of news. We're probably travelling down to Joao Pessoa this weekend to see Rach's family on the occasion of her granddad's birthday. In an unrelated event, we bought Nelson his first potty yesterday in view of future poo and wee training. He was so delighted he has been sitting on it constantly or putting it on his head as a hat. In another unrelated event, guga our turtle is doing fine and has been joined by other critters in our growing managerie. We think there is a nest of lizards as we see lots of little ones everywhere and there is definitely a nest of recently hatched birds who live above our light fixture outside. Rachel found a recently lived in egg shell and I can hear them chirping away right now. And finally, I am getting back into the swing of English teaching - I am delighted that my advanced English speaking group all love football. This gives us something to natter about endlessly...

Uma menina! Rach's scan today revealed our next baby will be a girl. But they said that last time and look what happened...

Friday night, writing tests. Rach is away for the weekend with Nelson in Recife and so I have the place to myself, to relax and... write tests on Friday evening. I'm trying to get ahead on my jobs before the new semester so I can have some time free with Danny, Caz and Gracie when they arrive next Thursday. I'll fix some pancakes later, that will ease the mindnumbing boredom.

Amusing uses of English: the Christmas card. A few weeks late, but no less funny. I was sorting out my things from before Christmas and found a card one of my students wrote me. The context: in one of the last classes of term I got the students to make and write cards for each other, secret Santa style. The other part of the activity was that there was a pile of random pictures and they had to pick one as a fake present that would be appropriate for the person their card was for. I joined in the festivities and Paula, a feisty teenager who is actually exceptionally good at English, decided to give me a picture of a teddy bear and wrote this unedited, unequivocal message in her card to me. (For extra points, spot Paula's reference to a Genesis song which we listened to in class).

Dear Dave,

I could buy you some shoes or shirts, maybe a ball, but only because you forced me to make this activity I won't. For punishment, my gift will be the most "no-masculine" gift possible: in Christmas you'll have cute pooh teddy. Look how happy the money is crazy about going to your arms. Now, seriously, teacher, "I can't dance, I can't talk" and I can't draw or make gay* cards but I can write. That's all I wanted to write to you: you are such a fantastic person (if I was better with English words I would choose a lot of other good adjectives).

Have a merry Christmas,
Paula

*sorry about the word, teacher.

Back at work #1. Nelson's playgroup is off for January so I am on part time baby-sitting duty as Rachel works in the morning. I'm actually really enjoying it - it's demanding and involves a lot of walking around in circles but I get to play with dinky cars again, paddle in swimming pools and go to the arcades and toy shops with a smashing young man. I was thinking the other day about the different roles a Dad of an 18-month-old is expected to fulfil. Some of these are mechanic (of broken toy cars), constructor (of ramps), technician (of DVD player to watch Cars film), doctor/nurse (of scraped knees and banged heads), luggage carrier (of stuff - you should see what ends up in my pocket at the end of the day), lifeguard, fridge opener, teacher, supplier of coconut water, cleaner, cook, driver, stylist, dentist etc.

I think on balance I am probably an OK Dad - I spend a lot of time with Nelsinho and try my best to involve myself in what he likes to do but of course I make some schoolboy errors and sometimes run out of things to talk about to a boy with a vocabulary of less than 25 words. (You should see Rach though, I don't know how she does it - she and Nelson rabbit on all afternoon!). However, I know that despite my best efforts I will never really be up to scratch in the eyes of Brazil's women. They are already suspicious that as a guy I would be spending so much time doing what traditionally is the role of women. And as a male GRINGO they are convinced I am a liability at best in my parenting. Ever since we got to Brazil, I have had to get used to a barrage of comments coming from every other woman I pass during the day that Nelson is too cold, too hot, too sweaty (but it is 40C!), not sweaty enough, sleeping too much, not sleeping enough, doesn't have shoes on but should, does have shoes on but shouldn't, needs a shirt, take off his trousers, give him some cake, why not have a bath. Occasionally, I have had him pulled straight out my arms and shipped straight to the nearest sink for a hosedown via the kitchen for some cookies by some well-meaning Brazilian grandmother.

Anyway, today the Brazilian women had something to write home about and were no doubt left wondering how Nelson would survive another 10 minutes in my care. This morning at the house, my son and I were all set for a game of cars on the step outside the front. I turn my back for half a second to bolt the gate open only to find the guy has flung himself from the top of the third step and is lying spreadagled on the pavement with a menacing shiner on his forehead. If my guilt wasn't enough I have had to endure the non-stop tutting of the Natalense female populace... But, I guess I am not the victim here: Nelson dusted himself off pretty well and once the DVD of Cars was on he had forgotten all about it.

Back at work #2. I'm also doing some English lessons although the semester doesn't start for real until February. This week I've been giving a crash course in TOEFL to half a dozen students. I asked one of them about her extended family during a lesson. "I have an enormous family", she said. "I am one of 56 grandchildren that my grandmother has". Astonishing! I'll note that on my blog, I thought to myself...

Danny and Caz and Gracie to visit Natal. This is unspeakably good news! For a week at the end of January more great buddies will be out here to visit us.

Siasen's video. I have a good pal who is studying Film in London. Here is one of his creations on YouTube. Please leave constructive comments for Siasen about what you think of his short film. Siasen also seems to be the principal actor - the dude has talent!

Leckenby Pics. Ruth, some of your pics are revolving nicely in the little slideshow to the right.

Things I miss about England #100: the weather. Most of the time I do not in the slightest bit miss the English weather, the constant threat of drizzle, the slab of gray that covers the sky for most of the months between August and May and the fact that it'ss dark when you go to work and dark when you get home and worst of all that feeling when you're in bed that one inch either side of your already shivering limbs will touch iceberg-like bed sheets. Put it this way, in Brazil I have never had to turn my car headlights on at noon as I once did in York. OK, but sometimes I do miss the variety of the seasons and especially at Christmas I feel the season's festivities aren't quite complete when you can't genuinely sing "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas". Here, the shopping malls are full of fake snow in their Santa's grotos, but the only white Christmas we're getting is a dusting from the nearest sand dune.

Things I love about Brazil #6: the weather. I love tropical weather, I feel better, healthier, fitter, more productice (cit. Radiohead), I see more clearly (seriously, I hardly wear my prescriptions), I get up with a spring in my step and the cold water coming out of the shower first thing in the morning is a refreshing treat, not punishment for sins, as it is in the UK.

Things I miss about England #95: mince pies and mulled wine. For most of the year I wouldn't notice this small luxury, but mince pies and mulled wine are conspiciously absent from my consumable Christmas options and this is a shame.

Things I love about Brazil #25: informal dress codes. I've just come back from the end of semester Christmas do. I was MC-ing the event in English with Amy doing the Portuguese. I was the only man there sporting a tie. Brazilians are relaxed, and from a small town like Natal, even more so. I'm glad I didn't pack a dinner jacket, bow tie or any such regalia when we moved out here. None of that faff would ever see the light of day round here.

Theo and Tom back home. Rach and I and Nelson have had a fairly uneventful weekend by our standards after we said goodbye to Tom on Thursday. It's been great fun having the boys around. I think, if they don't mind, I'll use some of their pictures - taken from the perspective of people who don't usually live in Brazil - to add a bit of spice to this blog. Here's the first one from Theo. The view at night from Rachel's parents' 21st floor apartment in Recife looking back over the city.

It's the end of the semester as we know it (and I feel fine). This last week I've been saying goodbye to my students, some of whom I've taught for a year. It's a strange thing - you spend 2 and a half hours each week for 10 months of the year with these people talking about everything from personal life to interests and hobbies to politics and beliefs and then its over so abruptly, and I probably won't teach them ever again and some I won't ever see again. This is a sad fact as they really all are wonderful characters, or "figuras" as the Natalenses say. Fortunately, they all passed their courses and did well. I hope their year with the "gringo" improved their speaking and listening of English. They certainly helped me with my English grammar.

Nakedness: a cultural comparison. Somehow at one point last week the conversation with Tom, myself, Amy and Rachel's cousin Hebinho turned to the topic of Brazilian versus English perceptions of public nakedness. Brazilians are a funny lot - their view of nakedness seems somewhat paradoxical. Being a Catholic nation and up here in the northeast quite a conservative people, public nakedness is out of the question. Topless bathing is illegal, and the idea that somebody would streak at sports event or cycle naked through university campus (a frequent occurrence in York) or moon a politician is out of the question.

Anyway, although Brazilians don't condone outright nakedness they seem to draw the line at about 1 inch shy of nakedness. Some of the bikinis and speedos round here leave little to the imagination, let's say, and nobody has any problems with this. One amusing example what I'm talking about presented itself this Saturday. On TV was a Samba dance-off - in the style of American Idol or X-Factor. Scantily, and I mean VERY scantily, clad women came onstage and strutted, and I mean REALLY strutted, their stuff for the judges, the audience and the viewers at home. During one performance one such lady's bra thing/ boob holder - which consisted of some delicately balanced threads - came loose and more or less fell off and she finished her performance clutching her chest. Oddly, she didn't appear in the slightest bit embarressed about it. The male presenter joked, "anyone here want to help her put that back on?" Now, you may be wondering, why I, a married Christian man, would be watching this sordid display? Well, the truth is, the show was on a widescreen TV close to our table in a family restaurant beamed to us as we ate our lunch. According to Brazilians, a 99% naked samba competition is clearly all-age viewing.

Christmas lights on Brazil's biggest Christmas tree. We live about 200 yards from Brazil's biggest Christmas tree. It`s not real, it's basically a big pole with Christmas lights hanging off it (see pic downloaded from today's local paper). This being "Natal" (which means Christmas in Portuguese) the city prides itself on being, and it's tourist industry is pleased to advertise the fact that it is, the best, most bright place in Brazil for the yuletide season. A huge Christmas tree used to reside in an open space near our house. It was taken down a few months ago. According to the neighbours - who know everything there is to know about everything - Rio de Janeiro recently erected a larger Christmas tree. And so, Natal not wanting to be outdone, pulled its own tree down (again, not a real tree) and stuck it over the other side of town. In it's place, the gargantuan monstrosity we see today. The thing really is huge. I have some video and pictures I'll try and post on here at some point. Last night, after the big party and official switch on, our bedroom, several streets away, was filled with the glow of flickering neon lighting. Natal won't be needing a lighthouse anymore.

Natal's golden gate bridge. Natal's townsfolk have been buoyed by several things in recent weeks. The promotion of ABC football team to the Brasilian Serie B, the new Christmas tree and also the completion of a huge suspension bridge over the bay. It is an awesome sight. I've driven over it, Theo walked over it. According to the newspaper, a drunk has already met a tragic end by falling off it. It is an impressive sight, although some Natalenses are disgruntled by all these expensive gimmicks - the tree, the bridge. It's an example of populist politics - keep the people entertained and happy and they won't notice the real problems of society. South American governments do not have the monopoly on this though - millenium dome and London eye, anyone?

First Certificate in English. The most popular English test for non-native speakers in the world is the Cambridge FCE. Today, I had to be invigilator for the students sitting this exam who I had lovingly nurtured toward this goal. It's not an easy test. You need to be close to fluent and have Advanced proficiency to do well. Put it this way, Nelson will be going to university by the time I can do in Portuguese what they do in English. The test takes two days to do - and we had a small administrative glitch when a 7th Day Adventist refused to do the test on Saturday. But, this bring Brazil, a way round was found... During the invigilation to keep myself from nodding off I got stuck into a novel that Theo had left for me. The surreal tragi-comedy "Confederancy of Dunces" by JK Toole. Anyone read it?

The results are in. Thank you to the seven people who voted in my little survey about whether or not you buy pirated DVDs. 5 of you said you never have, never will. 2 of you said you do rarely but feel guilty. A straw poll of my students revealed the opposite set of results. Most always do, and scoffed at the idea they should feel guilty (those people in Hollywood don't need more money!), while some did occasionally, but one person felt slightly guilty about it all, especially when they buy a Brazilian film (the implication being the producers and actors need the money more than Europeans or Americans). So, thanks again and I'll put up another poll in a few weeks time.

The first Inter-Cultura Games. Early yesterday morning Rachel, Nelson and I and a bus load of rowdy students made the journey to Joao Pessoa for the first ever sports competition between language schools from the north east cities of Natal, Joao Pessoa and Recife. As usual, the mastermind behind this venture was Rachel's Dad, who, in typical fashion, pulled off a fantastic event which looked doomed in the weeks leading up to the big day. But, if I've learned one thing from Brazilians it's that 1) they love sports 2) they love gatherings and 3) they leave everything to the last minute. So, of course, everything was fine.

I played for Natal's Futsal team. Sadly, we lost 5-3 and 5-0 but I was pleased with my contribution in the first fifteen minutes of the first match when I scored a goal and set up another... after that, my severe lack of match fitness took it's toll and I wobbled around the pitch like a sweaty pink sausage. As a supposedly impartial gringo I was roped into refereeing the final between Recife and Joao Pessoa. I gave a contentious penalty in the first half but the game was drawn at 2-2 by the end and went to penalties, Recife eventually taking victory. I crawled off the pitch in a state of near exhaustion and refused to play handball (the next sport) as I didn't know what it was and I no longer had complete control of my legs... just as well, as those that did play knew what they were doing and came away with gold medals.

Nelsinho had a great day too. He loves ball games and always wants to compete with adults - he seems oblivious to his evident lack of size, strength of coordination. But, with a little help from his 6'4" Uncle Nelson, even the little fellow had the opportunity to slam dunk a few balls on the basketball court. We all slept well last night, I can tell you.

Another holiday. We have the day off today and I don't even know why exactly. And there's another holiday next week for the patron saint of Natal, whose name I can't remember.

Nirvana - Smells Like an Unlikely Story. 16 years ago Nirvana's song Smells Like Teen Spirit was top of the Rock Charts in the USA. I'm showing my age when I say I can remember that... unlike some of my students who weren't even born. Anyway, for the benefit of some of the rock fans in my classes I played the video of the song, the excellent parody from Weird Al Jankovich and also the extremely bizarre Paul Anka swingy jazzy version. One of my students piped up after I played the song and said, "Oh, I saw this band in concert!" I was stunned, and also secretly quite jealous. How? "I saw them in concert in 2003", she continued. "Uh-huh", I said "Are you absolutely sure?" The suicide of the Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain 1994 has generally been accepted by historians as the moment the band ceased to exist. After a bit of mirth and confusion, it turns out she saw another band, whose name she forgot, who played Smells Like Teen Spirit as a cover. Either that, or Kurt Cobain, along with Elvis and Jimi Hendrix and John Lennon are touring the Brazilian NE in some kind of phantom super-group... I'll let you know if they come by here again.

Brazil has more oil and Spider-Man. A big story that has people excited here is that a new oil field was discovered off the coast of South Brazil. This huge reserve will make Brazil one of the top 10 oil producing countries in the world. I teach a group of Lawyers from the Brazilian national oil company Petrobras who are the chief stakeholders in the enterprise. These Lawyers were beside themselves with excitement. One of my teenage students studying geology declared his intention to work on the new rigs that will be built. Another story from Brazil that made it into international circulation was the tale of the 5 year-old boy dressed as Spider-Man who saved a baby from a burning house.

Peru v Brazil. The Brazilian national team are back in the country from their clubs in Europe. I couldn't believe it when 2 (of the 5!) sports channels on our cable package had dodgy, unending camcorder footage of the team's training session before their weekend World Cup qualifier in Peru... Ronaldinho and Kaka may be the best players in the world but they do sit-ups in much the same way as anybody else, in my opinion.